Sandwich (Replacement) Monday: Soylent

Feb 24, 2014
Originally published on October 27, 2014 4:24 pm

My sister Natalie recently had a birthday, and a friend who hates her sent her a packet of Soylent, the powdered meal of the future containing all the boring nutrients we need to live.

Soylent was created by Los Angeles startup guy Rob Rhinehart, who lost his taste for delicious food in a tragic nerd-related accident. You can learn a lot more about it here. Rhinehart wanted to design a fully nutritious staple meal he could eat three times a day every day forever to free up time for other things, like missing cake.

Our mom, Lee, came over for a family lunch. She didn't stay long. I think she went to find some new daughters with better lunches. My dog Beau was also there. He's a food lover and got into the spirit of things.

Each bag of Soylent contains three servings and comes with a small bottle of oil to ensure maximum globbiness. It takes three steps to prepare:

1. Mix the powder with water.

2. Pour in the oil.

3. Whisk/shake the mixture.

Natalie is a scientist, so we let her handle it.

Natalie: It tastes like someone stomped on some sugar-free Nilla Wafers and poured water on top.

Beau: I'd eat that.

Lee: I'm old enough to remember Soylent Green. It turns out Soylent Green was made of mashed-up human beings. This might taste better if it was also made of humans.

Natalie: This is like Zeno's paradox. Every sip I'm taking is half the size of the sip before.

Eva: Please take your smart person references to Radiolab's sandwich blog.

Beau: I like sandwiches.

Natalie: This is like the color that colorblind people think everything is.

Eva: Mmmm, I definitely detect top notes of beige.

Beau: I'd eat that.

[The verdict: Globby. Lukewarm. Grainy. We're hoping someone invents a nutritional drink that tastes like pizza before the future comes.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

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